Effort-Dumping: Why Nobody Likes You
“Can You Help Me?” Is the Wrong Question. Stop the Habit That’s Holding You Back.
A colleague scheduled a meeting to “understand the project I’d been working on.”
When we sat down, I asked, “What do you want to know?”
Silence. Not a single prepared question. He hadn’t even tried to figure it out by himself.
Nothing annoys me more than being summoned to solve someone else’s problem when they haven’t even attempted to fix it on their own.
They were effort-dumping me.
What Is Effort-Dumping?
Effort-dumping is when someone dumps their problem onto someone else without attempting to solve it themselves. It’s lazy, inconsiderate, and puts the recipient in an uncomfortable position.
When you effort-dump, you leave the other person with two crappy options:
I help you and waste my time solving your problem.
I reject your S.O.S. call and:
Risk straining the relationship.
Feel guilty for not helping a colleague.
Justify why my time matters more than yours.
In both cases, the effort-dumped person loses. There’s no easy defense besides behaving like a bitch.
People-Pleasers And Bitch Shields
Pretty women get hit on constantly. Rejecting every man is exhausting and horrible, but being friendly to everyone lets people drain their energy and time.
So, they develop the bitch shield:
A hostile or frosty attitude to deter unwanted suitors.
Shields create distance between us and the things we want to avoid. It’s not their preference to use one—it’s basic survival.
The same idea applies when someone effort-dumps.
The person being Effort-Dumped must build walls to protect themselves from the Effort-Dumper, who expects them to provide solutions to their problems.
Being a bitch ain’t an easy job and not everyone can build a strong wall.
People-pleasers struggle to climb the career ladder because they’re too uncomfortable wielding the power of a solid “No.” Without it, they’re left defenseless, spending their time bending over backward to help colleagues, instead of focusing on the work that earns promotions.
Effort Dumping in Everyday Life
Effort dumping isn’t just a work problem; it’s everywhere:
A junior wants time from a senior without preparing.
A student demands answers from a teacher without studying.
A writer seeks attention from a reader without editing.
If you’re the Effort-Dumper, it’s your job to minimize the burden on the Effort-Dumped. Otherwise, you disrespect their time and energy.
The 30-Minute Golden Rule
A junior colleague once asked, “How do I fix this bug?” I sighed, asked for the logs, and spent 20 minutes solving it.
“Hey, can you help me with something?” might be quick for you to answer, but only because it took you years to learn. Usually the junior doesn’t want to burden you. But they fail to realize that skipping the critical step of trying things first stalls their growth.
We’ve all been juniors, and mentoring is about passing the torch. Don’t give them the fish, teach them how to fish with the 30-Minute Golden Rule:
Before asking for help, set a 30-minute timer. Bang your head against the problem. If you haven’t tried for 30 minutes, don’t waste someone else’s time.
Here’s how it works:
Try solving the problem yourself for 30 minutes.
Document everything you’ve tried and where you got stuck.
Ask a clear question that shows your thought process and effort.
For example, instead of “How do I fix this bug?” say:
“I tried X, thought about Y, but condition Z stops me. Could R be the problem?”
This effort earns respect and makes people want to help you. You value their time, and they’ll gladly give you more of it. This approach does three things:
Increases the chances of finding a solution.
Builds a reputation as someone who pulls their weight.
Strengthens your relationships with colleagues.
Effort-Dumped Is Effort-Doubled
If you are a Software Engineer like me, the same principle applies to code reviews. Review your code at least three times before asking someone else to. Ensure it’s formatted and compiles correctly.
Why? Effort-dumped is effort-doubled. If you disrespect your reviewer’s time, they’ll waste twice as much fixing your mistakes and explaining what you should’ve done.
This also applies anywhere. My girlfriend proofreads documents. Careless mistakes annoy her so much that she can’t focus on the content.
Effort-dumping is a shortcut that burns bridges. It wastes time, strains relationships, and earns you a reputation as someone who doesn’t pull their weight.
Are you guilty of effort-dumping?
Stop. Do the work first. Respect people’s time.
Are you being effort-dumped?
Call it out. Enforce your boundaries. Help others grow by not being their mommy.